Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize