All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
