i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
