So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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