Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
