u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
