No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
