her facebook's as public as her vagina
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
