Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
