We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
