I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
