Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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