I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
