Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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