So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Found your dick twin last night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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