I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
