I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
