I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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