sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
