i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
