Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
