I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
