I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Rumble strips road head = magical
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
