the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
