we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize