Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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