her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
