Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
