I must be too annoying 4 u.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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