pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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