I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
