She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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