But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
