So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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