and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
