i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
