The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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