Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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