You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize