Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
