Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
