I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
