it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
