how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
