oh god the rape fog is back!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
