Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
