True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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