Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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