why didn't you poke me back
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
