I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize