let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
