You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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