remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
