I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
