Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
