apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
