Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
