Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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