I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
