she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize