he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
