I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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