I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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