When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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