I skipped work to stalk him.
we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
