I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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