Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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