I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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