so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
