Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
