I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
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