I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
